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"Too Sexy For Country Music"

This letter from a recording artist 
 infested my mailbox this morning... 

Dear Jack, 

Can you tell me what is wrong 
with all these crooked charts and playlists? 

My recordings are way better than everybody elseís 
and yet they donít get any airplay. 
I see crappy songs at the top of the charts all the time! 

Is it politics or payola? 
It canít be my fault 
because my mother says Iím the greatest thing since Tiny Tim. 

I am able to sing in one key 
while the band plays in another. 
How many of these alleged stars can do that 
and cross their eyes at the same time? 

I can play  ďFlight of the BumblebeeĒ on the guitar with my tongue, 
although Iíve learned not to do it with an electric guitar. 

I do a lot of promotion. 
I even call DJís up and threaten their families, 
but it doesnít seem to help. 

Iím getting ready to quit. 
Iíve been struggling for almost a year now, 
and I guess Iím just too sexy for Country Music. 

Would you like to invest in my career? 
Let me know soon because I have other offers. 

Ernest  Hemmingrhoid 

     *     *     * 

Dear Ernest, 

Thank you for not sending a tape. 

© August 16, 2003 Jack Blanchard. All rights reserved.


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