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"The New Nicer Me"
In the past I've gotten in trouble for tackling politics and religion, but I've
changed. I'm much nicer now. I believe that in my new condition I can write about
these subjects without offending anybody.
* * *
THINGS I LIKE ABOUT POLITICS:
Politicians are peachy.
They are honest, thrifty, brave, clean, and reverent servants of the public.
(I'm serious here!)
They don't even take Social Security.
They manage to get by on the same old salaries until they croak.
I love Republicans and Democrats equally.
They ought to have two co-presidents, one from each major party.
Twice as much brain power!
I try to divide up my day
in such a way as to believe conservatism on the odd hours,
and liberalism during the even ones.
I would vote twice if I could.
That's just the kind of person I am.
These wonderful candidates deserve our encouragement.
They are always welcome to dine at my home,
if they can find out where I live.
* * *
THINGS I LIKE ABOUT RELIGION:
The only reason I don't go to church
is that there are so many lovely specimens to choose from.
I wouldn't want to offend one by attending the other.
And, talk about some great rules!
Don't do this! Stop doing that!
I'd be in poor shape without them.
I'd be sinning up a storm.
I like the Pope's hat.
I love the great reception on the religious TV channels!
Even with my glasses off,
I can clearly read the 800 number scrolling across the screen!
I'm all for sinning and getting forgiven.
I wish the IRS were more like that.
I bet they have country music in Heaven.
I can't wait to hear it played on harps!
And I'm sure God has a sense of humor.
Look at us.
* * *
I've gone over this,
and I can't find anything that would be considered bothersome,
or even interesting,
except maybe my overwhelming sweetness,
and the extraordinary level of kindness I've tried to maintain.
Some may find these annoying.
I forgive them.
Copyright © June 13, 2002 by Jack Blanchard. All rights reserved.