"Our Rules For Good Living"
Never stop for a cop who talks with a hand puppet.
Try not to kill people who offer constructive criticism.
Never approach a chicken with a crazy look.
Never try to explain our career to a wino.
Never yodel at a funeral.
Never hit a chiropractor without a reason.
Never wear helmets while skateboarding.
Always wear helmets during sex.
Never tango.
Never carry a rose in our teeth.
Never carry a rose in any body cavity.
Never turn our turn signal off.
Never take Viagra before a business meeting.
Never buy a pacemaker from a guy in a pickup truck.
Never glue sequins to a squirrel, except as evening wear.
Always smile and wave to drivers who give us the finger.
Always lie about our age, weight, and height.
Never hate an elephant for having round feet.
Never take the car in for a free inspection.
Remember AAMCO stands for "All Automatics Must Come Out".
Remember: Near death experiences often happen while at the ice Capades.
Always refer to younger people as "Junior Citizens".
Never have a hole in your pocket while it is being picked.
Never yell "Freeze!" in a biker bar.
Never wear a tutu in a biker bar.
Never sing "Granada" to an imaginary herring.
Never play hip-hop dance music for nudists.
Never ask opinions of our work.
Never reply to opinions of our work.
Never try to explain who we are.
Never book a gig that doesn't look like fun.
Never play for ballroom dancing.
Never go to bed mad.
Never use an alarm clock.
Never use a big word where a small word will do.
Never buy an extended warranty.
Call people by their first names,
especially if they refer to themselves as Mister.
Always play the music we do best... our own
Copyright © April 1, 2007 Jack Blanchard. All rights reserved.
Reprinted by permission.
