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"Letter From A Disgruntled Recording Artist"

I got this email from a disgruntled recording artist. 
I never hear from the gruntled ones. 

"Dear Jack, 

What's the deal with with all these crooked charts and playlists? 
My recordings are way better than everybody elseís 
and yet they donít get any airplay. Is it politics or payola? 
It canít be my fault 
because my mother says Iím the greatest thing since Tiny Tim. 

I am able to sing in one key while the band plays in another, 
and juggle flaming squirrels at the same time. 
How many of these alleged stars can do that? 
I can also play  the guitar with my tongue, 
although Iíve learned not to do it with an electric guitar. 

I do a lot of promotion. I even call DJís up and threaten their families, 
but it doesnít seem to help. Iím getting ready to quit. 

Iíve been struggling for almost a year now, 
and I guess Iím just too sexy for Country Music. 
Would you like to invest in my career? 
Let me know soon because I have other offers. 

Ernest Hemmingrhoid." 

    *     *     * 
Dear Ernest, 
Please don't turn down any other offers because of me. 
You might try American Idol? 
Also try American Idiot. 

Copyright © February 15, 2007 Jack Blanchard. All rights reserved.
Reprinted by permission.


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