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"Dreams And Ambitions"

Everybody should have a dream 
or a life’s ambition. 
Something to look forward to. 
I have several: 

To dress up in a carrot suit 
and antagonize a pack of wild rabbits. 

To make love to a super model 
and then say "Let that be a lesson to you." 

To give Bill O'Reilly a free colonoscopy. 

To teach a squirrel to yodel.

To send Snow White a can of dwarf repellent. 

To adopt an adult Korean. 

To find out why Porky Pig and Donald Duck 
wear jackets but no pants. 

To get back to my original weight... 
7 pounds, 8 ounces. 

To hypnotize a chicken. 

To play “Flight of the Bumblebee” 
on musical breast implants. 

To twist my neighbor's dog 
into a balloon animal. 

To open a string of “Chicken In the Casket” restaurants. 

To spray WD-40 on a canary’s perch. 

To follow a police car 
and make him nervous. 

To sing “My Way” 
to an imaginary ferret. 

And, to get my elbows pierced 
so I can wear cufflinks 
with a short-sleeved shirt. 

We can only hope. 

Copyright © March 21, 2005, Jack Blanchard. All rights reserved. Reprinted by permission.


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