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"Words To Live By"
Misty and I have made some resolutions.
We don’t recommend them for anybody else,
but they work OK for us.
* * *
Never stop for a cop who talks with a hand puppet.
Try not to kill people who offer constructive criticism.
Never approach a chicken with a crazy look.
Never try to explain our career to a wino.
Never yodel at a funeral.
Never buy anything big at Radio Shack.
Never wear helmets while skateboarding.
Always wear helmets during sex.
Never carry a rose in our teeth.
Never carry a rose in any body cavity.
Never turn our turn signal off while in Florida.
Never go near Sebring, Florida.
Never take Viagra before a business meeting.
Never buy an extended warranty on a Pinto.
Never buy a pacemaker from a guy in a pickup truck.
Never go to a chiropractor without a weapon.
Never glue sequins to a squirrel, except as eveningwear.
Always smile and wave to drivers who give us the finger.
Always lie about our age, weight, and height.
Never hate an elephant for having round feet.
Never take the car in for a free inspection.
Remember AAMCO stands for “All Automatics Must Come Out”.
Remember: Near death experiences often happen while at the Ice Capades.
Always refer to younger people as “Junior Citizens”.
Never have a hole in your pocket while it is being picked.
Never yell “Freeze!” in a biker bar.
Never wear a tutu in a biker bar.
Never sing "Granada" to an imaginary herring.
Never play hip-hop dance music for nudists.
If you have any helpful hints along this line,
feel free to send them to us.
Copyright © February 14, 2002 by Jack Blanchard. All rights reserved.