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"What Honks Me Off"
Yesterday's column was "What Makes Me Happy."
I got an email saying this:
"How about a column about what makes you unhappy".
OK. You asked for it.
I don't think "unhappy" applies much to me.
I'm usually happy, semi-happy, bored, annoyed, or angry...
but seldom unhappy.
And I'm not dangerous when angry.
It's more of a slow burn, or a quiet smolder,
often relieved by the proper application of sarcasm.
So, I'll list some things that annoy me.
Reality TV shows.
Dumb sitcoms with manic laugh tracks.
People who are ignorant
and proud of it.
People who say "Let's get together"
and don't mean it.
People who start unnecessary wars,
and people who agree with them.
who have contempt for the poor.
Those who eat away at our planet for money.
People who send me transparent political propaganda.
(Please don't insult my intelligence.)
People who cut down too many trees.
People who don't like animals.
Laws that cause more harm than good.
I hear they're going to outlaw sex
because it could lead to dancing.
Degradation of product and service quality.
The annihilation of our middle class,
and the general ripping off of Americans
by corporations which have replaced nations,
and now run the world.
Countries pretend to run things,
but they are just the hired thugs for big business.
especially when I'm not doing as well as they are.
who judge others by their physical appearance,
or their bankbooks.
I don't like junk that pretends to be music.
I'm more honked off when that junk gets popular.
I'm angry about terrible health care,
and the great number of homeless people in such a rich country.
I'm peeved that kids can no longer go to the school
that's closest to home.
I think forced busing has served its good purpose,
and is now an expensive and harmful exercise in futility.
I'm not too happy with forced anything.
I think that two changes could drastically cut down violent crime:
1. Legalize some of the lighter drugs...marijuana for instance,
although I don't use it myself.
2. Give every non-felon over 18 a gun.
Criminals have it too easy when the victims are unarmed.
Older people used to be respected.
Now they are the target of prejudice and cheap jokes.
I don't like old age jokes even coming from old people.
Because the one thing that makes me the maddest is death.
It takes people I care for,
when they still have good things left to do.
It sneaks up and takes everything you own.
It blows the ending whistle in the middle of the game,
and I think someday it will be looking at me funny.
Looking over this list,
I notice that most of the things that bother me are people.
Well, not so much the people as the mean things some of them do.
Actually, I like people in general,
probably as much as dogs and cats.
I'm pretty easy-going most of the time,
and don't think much about these negative things,
but a reader suggested it,
and we aim to please.
Aren't you glad you asked?
Copyright © March 23, 2006, Jack Blanchard. All rights reserved. Reprinted by permission.