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"Things I Rarely Say."
"Let me show you to the door."
I've never had a house big enough to lose the door.
I hardly ever say:
"You look lovely tonight."
to a parking attendant.
I don't say any of these very much either:
"I'd like to buy a chain saw and a ski mask, please."
"Why, yes. I WOULD like the extended warranty!"
"Would you like to see my portfolio?"
"Can anyone here play the spoons?"
"I'll be at the gym."
"Yes, please. I WOULD like a knuckle sandwich."
"I'm sure these motel sheets are clean."
"I'd like to put on a few pounds."
"Put out an APB! On the double!"
"I'd like to see something in an ascot."
"Can you sell me a Pinto?"
"Let's do lunch sometime."
"Allow me to introduce myself."
"The bridge is out. You'll have to stay the night."
"I don't like it. It's too quiet out there."
"I'd like to buy a smoking jacket."
"I really miss Spiro Agnew."
"This wine has a good nose."
"Can you play a merengue?"
"I'd like to buy a fold-up scooter and a rap CD."
Even though I try to avoid clichés,
I say this to my wife every morning at breakfast:
"Do you come here often?"
Copyright © September 10, 2002 by Jack Blanchard. All rights reserved.