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"The Year Of The Squirrel"
(Annual New Years Thoughts.)

I can't afford a new year.
I may have to look for a good used one.

"Fruitcake will out."
Ben Franklin's evil twin.

The New Years "Toast" comes from the ancient tradition
of casting virgins into a volcano to welcome the New Year.
The ritual lost popularity
due to a growing lack of contestants.

"Ptui" is a Greek letter that never gained popularity,
due to the failure of Irving Berlin's song
"The Sweetheart of Sigma Ptui".

The new and old years
are often represented by a baby and a very old man.
Both are wearing diapers.

The year 2002 spelled backwards was, of course, the same.
Spelled sideways, it was 0022,
pronounced: "Oh! Oh! Tutu!"
an ancient warning that a ballet dancer was approaching.

In 20 ought 05,
we have more important things to worry about, for instance:
Is there anything left that we can safely eat?
Are drug side effects killing more people than doctors?
If the price of gas goes higher,
will we have to limit our drive-by shootings?
(Credit for the last one goes to Misty.)

I never make resolutions,
but this coming year I plan to give up hope for Lent.

Different cultures have opposing opinions
as to when the old year ends.
Try telling that to the IRS.

I think 2004 was The Year of the Squirrel...
at least around our house.

Years are imaginary concepts,
created by humans...
like weather forecasters and economists.

Happy New Year, everybody.

Jack Blanchard

Copyright  Dec. 27, 2004, Jack Blanchard. All rights reserved. Reprinted by permission.

 

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