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"The Email Weirdo"
Some time back I started getting a lot of email
from an oddball I don't know.
It's all forwarded ravings with all those little arrows on the left.
They come in by the wagonload, like manure.
I don't know the name or the sex, if any, of this creature,
and I have no idea how I got on this list.
It must be punishment for a sin I thought I got away with.
At first I asked nicely to be removed from the list.
The reply was:
"No. You're too much fun, Jack."
I started getting REALLY mad!
Frothing all over my mouse,
I wrote several angry emails
which seemed to perk the troll up.
It loves my nasty letters!
I put a filter on my email so I don't have to see them,
but occasionally I come across them in my Trash file.
Tonight I wrote the nastiest letter of my life,
and had to lie down after.
Look what happened.
(My crazy email):
"My email filter automatically sends your idiocy directly into the trash,
but every so often, when I'm looking through the trash file
I'm forced to see your stupid crap.
Have you ever had an original thought?
I've never seen anything from you
except forwarded ideas that somebody else thought of.
You are an imbecile
and you cheapen my garbage file.
You're a weirdo...
the kind that normal people don't want around.
Are you breathing hard while you forward other people's ravings?
Are you senile?
Or just a flaky dweeb that has no life?"
(The crazy answer):
"You're too kind, Jack."
Somebody please send help!
Copyright © 2003 Jack Blanchard. All rights reserved.