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"One Of My Strange Abilities"

One of my strange abilities is this: 
I can stand or sit for long periods 
giving no indication of being alive. 

Its sort of a self-imposed coma 
I seem to use when Im either thinking or bored. 

When I was a department store Santa Claus, 
I tried not to cough or blink 
when anybody was around. 
I knew from experience 
they thought I was a life size Santa doll. 

One lady had been browsing 
through the Christmas candy and toys at my feet, 
when I had moved a little. 
She had almost had a heart attack, 
so I wasnt taking any more chances. 

Another time, in another department store, 
I was waiting at the bottom of an escalator 
for Misty to return from shopping upstairs. 
I was bored, 
and drifted into one of my catatonic states. 

I was wearing slim jeans, 
cowboy boots and hat, 
a denim shirt, and a leather vest 
that was made for me at an Indian reservation 
on one of our western tours. 

A lady was looking at some dresses on my right, 
and happened to glance in my direction. 
She casually came over and examined me. 
I knew what was up, 
and came back to reality, 
but I was afraid to move. 

She reached out and felt the leather of my vest 
between her thumb and fingers. 
I guess my eyes moved in response to her familiarity. 
She seemed to go into shock, 
at the same time, levitating a few inches from the floor, 
without bending her knees. 

She put her hand over her heart, 
like Fred Sanford having the big one, 
and said this to me: 
Oh, my God! Youre alive! Im SO sorry! 

I smiled and said, 
No problem. 
I was beginning to enjoy these weird episodes. 
Is that sick or what? 

So, if you happen to come to my funeral, 
do me a favor... 
Poke me a couple of times, 
just to make sure. 

 October 7, 2003 Jack Blanchard. All rights reserved. 

 

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