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"Invasion Of The Clones"
Did you ever buy a new car and suddenly you see others
of the same make and model all over the place?
Well, I'm that way with people.
If some morning I notice a resemblance between the bus driver
and Lyndon Johnson, then it's a Johnson day.
80% of the individuals I run into for the
rest of the day will remind me of LBJ.
Men, women, and children.
Unless you've seen Johnson as a six week old baby in a buggy,
you have no idea what I go through!
And the mothers look like him, too.
It drives me nuts!
One afternoon I saw a guy who looked like
J. Edgar Hoover, walking his dog.
You know how people sometimes look like their pets?
Well, you should have seen what was on the other end of that leash!
And, of course, the rest of the day was one big Hoover family reunion.
Today it could be Hitlers, tomorrow Little Orphan Annies.
One never knows.
I just brace myself and press on.
I have my politically incorrect episodes,
when racial characteristics are the mode of the day.
Monday could be all Polish, Tuesday Indians.
I've seen it rain Greeks for days on end.
After studying this phenomenon carefully,
I've narrowed the possibilities down to this:
There are aliens afoot, master impressionists who are up to no good.
Yesterday I slipped out the back door and down to the corner.
There they were, trying to act nonchalant, pretending they didn't see me.
They get bolder as they grow in number.
This morning I was the only person in Walmart
who didn't look like Regis Philbin.
I don't know where to turn, now that the cops are all Hillary Clintons,
so I'm locking the doors, and putting the dog out.
(That dog is starting to look suspiciously like Buck Owens.)
If any remaining humans read this, please send help.
I'm in the white house on the corner,
and everybody around here today looks like George W. Bush.
Copyright © June 19, 2001 by Jack Blanchard. All rights reserved.