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"Humans Are The Funniest People"


ARCHIE CAMPBELL. Archie Campbell came off stage at the Michigan State fair. We were in the wings, waiting to go on. I said: "Hey, Arch, windy out there, huh?" He ran his hand across his hair, smiled and said: "I don't have to worry. I bought the casual style."
THERE GOES THE NEIGHBORHOOD. A neighbor of ours, a woman in her forties, dyes her hair a different color a couple of times a week. Not spray on or rinse. Real dye. When it gets too damaged she wears various colored wigs until it grows back, and then starts dying it again. Today she painted the interior of her home purple. Not violet or lavender. Purple.
GONE WITH THE WIND. We met a young DJ at a radio station in south Florida who got into radio in an odd way. As a teenager, he was picked up by a tornado and carried out to sea. He said he realized he was running forward and moving backward. His feet were treading air. He was saved, and interviewed on TV and radio, where he got a taste of fame, and so made radio his career.
GRANDPA JONES. I was talking with Grandpa Jones about a mutual friend. He was worried that the friend was taking a lot of drugs. I said: "He takes drugs?" Grandpa said: "Why, he'd take a overcoat button!"
FEELING GOOFY. At our concert at Walt Disney World, the stagehands lowered the stage at the BEGINNING of our closing number. We watched the audience disappear. We must have looked like singing heads.
THE TOUGH GUY. The bartender at the Hollywood lounge where I played piano was a tough guy. He got the job because he could double as a bouncer. He looked it and talked it. He said he was an ex-Navy Seal. He was also manager, and picked on my little drummer a lot. The first fight that ever broke out, the bartender got beaten up. After that I started picking on him.
MISTY AND THE JUNKYARD DOG. We bought a trailer on payments in Key West. It came with a free chain link fence so you couldn't take off with it. Misty started feeding a stray dog, the biggest pit bull I've ever seen. There was a remnant of chewed rope hanging from its neck... an escaped junkyard dog. Misty and the dog became friends, but gradually over a few days it wouldn't let me in or out of my own home. Copyright June 13, 2001 by Jack Blanchard. All rights reserved.

 

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