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"My Duct Tape Ordeal: A Look Back"

On a MONDAY I wrote this: 

"DUCT TAPE": ANOTHER UNFINISHED SONG. 

I have the title and the first two lines, 
but I've stalled out there. 

Duct tape is a subject we can all relate to, 
so it's a sure hit. 
You write the rest of it and we'll split the royalties. 

Here's what I have: 

"I DUCT TAPED YOUR PICTURE TO A PIT BULL, 
AND IT FEELS JUST LIKE I'M COMING HOME TO YOU." 

You finish it and send it to me. 
You can trust me. 
* * * 

TUESDAY I wrote: 

DUCT TAPE WEIRDOES. 

I've gotten more response to "Duct Tape: Another unfinished song" 
than any of my other articles and stories. 
It's a sad commentary on the quality of our readership, 
but it's nice to know I'm not the only weirdo in country music. 

P.S. Keep them coming. You may be a winner. 
* * * 

WEDNESDAY: 

DUCT TAPE CONTROVERSY CONTINUES. 

I've had nearly a hundred responses 
to my heartless remarks about Duct Tape. 
Some of them are pretty funny, 
and I've made friends with those who were mad at me. 
Mother Teresa couldn't do better. 

Some people are sensitive about Duct Tape. 
I heard they even have a Duct Tape religious cult. 

I'm not anti-duct tape. 
Sam Donaldson holds his toupee on with it! 

But I will say one thing: 
I'M SICK OF THE SUBJECT 
AND I'LL NEVER MENTION DUCT TAPE AGAIN! 
* * * 

THURSDAY (It's in the headlines!"): 

"SECRET PLANS TO DRILL FOR DUCT TAPE IN ALASKA." 

"CLINTON CLAIMS HE DID NOT TAKE DUCT TAPE FROM WHITE HOUSE." 
* * * 

FRIDAY: 

Now there are a number of Duct Tape songs and contests, 
and talk of Sam Donaldson suing me. 

It's taken on a life of its own, 
and I'm out of the picture. 

Copyright  September 15, 2002 by Jack Blanchard. All rights reserved.

 

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