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"Answers To Personal Questions"

For some reason, people often ask me about myself, 
and I think they have a right to know the inside dope. 
(That didn't come out right.) 

I am between 5 and 7 feet tall, 
weigh between 150 and 200 pounds, 
and am between 50 and 75 years old. 

My hair will remain brown as long as they make Clairol. 
My eyes are blue and red. 

I like to dress in shirt, shoes, socks, 
and often pants. 

Music: I like most all music, unless it contains a sitar. 
(I don't count Rap as music.) 

Food: I will eat most anything that doesn't pay taxes. 

Hobbies: Lying about my age, weight, and height. 

Marital status: To a member of the opposite sex. 

Favorite celebrities: Peewee Herman and Homer Simpson. 

Favorite book: An atlas with non-aerial-view maps. 

Favorite song: "You Can Keep Me in Prison, 
but You Can't Keep my Face from Breaking Out." 

Favorite parlor trick to entertain friends: 
Pulling a flaming rabbit out of my pants. 

Favorite animal: The Deadly Hammer Shrimp. 

Favorite movie: "King Kong Gets an Enema". 

Future plans: To outlive everybody in my address book. 

I hope that clears things up. 
Thanks for asking. 

Copyright  January 14, 2006 by Jack Blanchard. All rights reserved.
Reprinted by permission.

 

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